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Friday, November 20th, 2009
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7:40 am - Writer's Block: First Things First
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I check my Yahoo homepage. It has newsfeeds for the US, World, Europe, Switzerland and Canada. That's how I learn such exciting things like yesterday at auction an old Canadian 12-pence stamp sold for 260,000 US dollars.
Useless facts--a great way to start any day.
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| Monday, November 16th, 2009
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10:20 pm - Writer's Block: Present Perfect
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Ok, it might not look like much, but this is the best Christmas present I ever received. One year, my Mom made four of these fabric houses, one for each of her daughters. The color patterns are weird because she used leftover fabric from old sewing projects.
Turns out there's quite a story behind the production of the house, but I didn't hear until years later. I was packing up to move to Rochester, NY for grad school. In the process, I was making piles of possessions: things to keep, things to toss out, and things to keep if there's room. I had the house in the 'things to keep' pile.
My Mom came over and picked up the house and asked if I really intended to keep it. When I told her that I thought it was neat and had always liked it, she had to hold back tears. Turns out, she made the houses because that year my family didn't have any money for presents. Not wanting us to go without, she bought a cheap pattern and sewed her heart out using whatever she had at hand to make the houses. She must have assumed that because the house was intended to 'make-do,' it wasn't ever really liked.
But I always liked mine. And once I learned the story behind it, it became my favorite Christmas present ever.
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8:16 am - Writer's Block: Raincheck!
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I've actually been through this a few times. And, yes, I do have a hard time forgiving the wrong-doer. And, yes, I don't usually enjoy spending time with the couple afterwards.
I'm not exactly proud of this part of my character. There's no reason for me to take a stand in the issue. If a friend wants to forgive their partner for a screw up, that's their business.
All of this I know.
But then childhood trauma steps in and messes with my reason. When I was younger, my Mom put up with too much crap from my Dad. (In the interest of fairness, I should point out that both my parents are completely different people now. Mom's not codependent, and Dad's a good guy.) Point is, I have all this irrational fear inside me about turning into my Mom--the Mom that should have walked away but didn't. I project that fear onto friends frequently. Thus I typically end up being way more judgemental than I ought to be.
When situations like the prompt come up, I really do try to use my head. But childhood trauma is remarkably strong and resistent to reason.
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| Sunday, November 15th, 2009
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7:49 pm - Writer's Block: Name your talent
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If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I want to be able to use The Force.
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| Thursday, November 12th, 2009
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11:53 am - Writer's Block: Talking Turkey
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Well, we're going to Chicago this year. So I suppose I'll probably check the weather on the Internet before we go. ;-)
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| Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
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9:44 am - Writer's Block: Play it again, Sam
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A mix CD?
Seriously, this question is impossible to answer. I mean, I could go with a CD by one of my favorite bands--a little Guster perhaps. Or I could go with a nostalgia choice. You know something that reminds me of happy times. In which case, I'd have to say a Monkees CD. Or maybe I'd want to go with an album that I think of as perfectly representing the awesomeness of a particular band. In that case, it'd have to be Skylarking by XTC.
But, really, just one CD would never be enough. That's why we have MP3 players!
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| Thursday, October 29th, 2009
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6:58 am - Writer's Block: Mysterious benefactor
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The way I see it, there are two ways of answering this question, personally or impersonally.
Impersonally, I'd love to pick a deserving student and pay for his or her education. I call this option impersonal because it's not motivated by any personal relationship. In fact, it's based more on my own experiences. I'm still paying off student loans, and I'd love to save someone else the pain. And clearly education is something I value.
As for a more personal option, I have a few friends who have been struggling in a the current economic environment. I wish I could to do more for them like pay off their rent/mortgage for a year or something similiar. Take some of the pressure off until they get back on their feet.
Just so we're clear, I do not have--and probably never will--the funds for either the impersonal or personal option. But it's nice to think about.
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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1:38 pm - Writer's Block: Yes, offense taken
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I feel very fortunate that most of the people in my life wouldn't make such comments. As an adult, I generally have control over whom I choose to associate. So it's honestly seldom a problem.
But I do remember this one time when I was around twelve or so. I was over at a neighbor's house. I was having a conversation with the mom about pantyhose. She said something along the lines of not wanting to get too dark of a color, because you don't want to look like n-word.
I remember how stunned I felt at that moment. I honestly had never heard that word used outside of TV shows and movies when they wanted to portray a character as racist. And I also remember being accutely aware of my age and the difficult position I was in. This woman was an authority figure, a mom. But I knew she was wrong to use that word. But I didn't feel comfortable about confronting her about it. I was twelve years old, for Pete's sake.
I didn't say anything. And I'm sure if I had it wouldn't have changed anything. But up until that moment, I had liked that woman. But everything changed after that. I saw how ugly she really was and tended to stay away.
And also, not for the first time during my adolescence, I again sent up my silent wish that I would hurry and grow up already so that I could have more control over my life and whom I spent my time with.
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| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
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4:47 pm - Writer's Block: Ohhh, baby
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This one's a no-brainer for me. No.
I don't want my genes or Greg's running around out there. It's counter to my whole control-freak persona to have my genes out of my control. The only way I'll accept Greg and my genes on the loose is if we (accidentally) mixed them together ourselves.
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| Monday, October 19th, 2009
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9:54 am - Writer's Block: Take my advice
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I guess because I've been grading all weekend, the only answer I could come up with deals with teaching. When I was still in graduate school, I taught classes by myself for the first time. But I also had a number of mentors that I could turn to if I had any problems.
Anyway, one semester I had problems with plagiarists. One student had plagiarized his entire paper, which is actually an easy issue to deal with. You hand the matter over to the Honor Council and let them take care of it. But I also had a student who had plagiarized one sentence of his paper. That's not so cut and dry. The Honor Council is out. They honestly don't have the time to deal with such small potatos. So the decision of how to handle it ends up falling to the teacher.
I can remember talking with the Director of Undergraduate Studies in the department about the situation. He told me to fail the student and bring him into my office to give him a stern talking to. I was uncomfortable with both of those things. In particular, the idea of chastizing a student when I was still a student myself felt very overwhelming.
I honestly can't remember if I failed the student or not. But I do remember that I didn't call him into my office to reprimand him for his actions. Now that I've been teaching a while, I realize that I should have. I think there's something very worthwhile about bringing a student before you, looking them in the eyes and calling them a cheater. It stings. It's not pleasant. But they have to know that their behavior is unacceptable.
And as for the failing part, I give zeros to plagiarists. It doesn't matter how much material is 'borrowed.' It's a zero.
I'm not sure if I'm really stopping the cheating. But I feel better knowing that I'm doing my part, that I'm taking a stand. When the Director told me to call the student into my office he told me that my actions might lead someday to one less Enron executive. It's a good way of looking at it. If you get away with cheating in college, you're probably more likely to try outside of college. And I sleep soundly at night knowing that I'm doing what I can to prevent that from happening.
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| Friday, October 16th, 2009
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2:18 pm - Writer's Block: Nothing to fear but fear itself
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I kinda find this question stupid. Because, really, how can I pick just one fear?
And what constitutes 'biggest'? I mean, does biggest mean most chronic, the thing I have to deal with on a regular basis? In which case, I'd go with my fear of the dark. And light tends to be the best way of overcoming it.
Maybe biggest means most irrational, the fear that cripples me despite plenty of evidence that suggest there's no reason to be afraid. If that's what 'biggest' means, I'd have to go with my fear of failure. If I look at it objectively, I know I have a good track record when it comes to accomplishment. Most of the things I've set my mind to do, I've made happen. Failure really isn't something I've experienced often. But I fear it. And when I get all worked up about it, I can become completely paralyzed by it. I become convinced that I am nothing but a giant falure and I'll never be able to accomplish anything ever again. It's a ridiculous situation that I find myself in far too often. The only means I've come up with coping with this paralysis is to do a mental check. You know, go through the list of everything I have accomplished. Remind myself that I do tend to get things done. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
There is the possiblity that 'biggest' is really about mortality. What do I think is ultimately going to get me. In which case, my answer would have to be bird flu. I just know the bird flu is out there looking for me. What a stupid way to go. For the record, I have no intention of trying to overcome this fear. Only constant vigilance against the birds can save me. Vigilance!
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| Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
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7:44 pm - Writer's Block: My Favorite Neighborhood Business
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So I've given this one a bit of thought, and I'm not sure if I'm entirely comfortable with my answer. Truth is, the only local businesses that I frequently regularly are all restaurants. What the heck does that say about me as a consumer? As an eater?
Don't get me wrong, we're talking some fine local restaurants like Fox Brothers (BBQ) and the 5th Earl (unfortunately gone now, but I remember their sandwiches fondly). But it distresses me that I don't support local business beyond restaurants.
But, then again, am I really that distressed? Greg, for example, makes it a point of purchasing CDs from Criminal Records. But they are so much more expensive than ordering online or stopping by the Best Buy, so I seldom do it.
So, basically, what we've learned is that I'm all for supporting local business in principle. But not so much in action--at least not when my pocketbook is involved.
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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10:23 am - Writer's Block: Cyberstalking
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I do have plenty of ex-es as friends on LJ and Facebook. But that reflects a mutual desire to keep up with each other. I don't use such sites to keep tabs on ex-es in some sort of clandestine manner. After all, I cut ties with these people for a reason. I don't feel the need to reassess my judgment in such matters.
Though I will admit that I ran into my college boyfriend's profile on Facebook when searching through all the alumni for my grad year. His profile pic included him with a woman who I assume is his wife. I can't say I ignored the picture. I was honestly curious about the wife and how he's looking these days. But it's not like I then tried to add him as a friend. We haven't spoken since 1996. There's absolutely no reason for us to start. I assume that we both have nice, happy lives that don't need any drama. Thankyouverymuch.
PS - In case you haven't figured it out, I've reopened my LJ. I've decided to take advantage of their Writer's Block questions for a while--at least until I have something interesting to blog about.
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| Saturday, September 12th, 2009
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4:49 pm - In Praise of Being Erica: An American’s Love Affair with Canadian TV
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In recent months, I’ve become obsessed with Canadian television. My Netflix queue overflows with a backlog of DVDs for old Canadian TV shows, and my DVR dutifully records Canadian shows currently playing on American TV.
One of the things that I like about Canadian television is that many shows have a fantastical or absurd component. I’m not talking a trip to Narnia or anything. Just a little magical whimsy. And the best part, the shows never make any effort to explain such unexplainable events. In the nineties classic Due South, Constable Benton Fraser held conversations with his present, but dead, father. Explaining how such conversations were possible never seemed a priority for the writers. Same thing with Slings & Arrows, where Geoffrey Tennant is haunted by the ghost of his late mentor. And don’t get me started on the cat in Twitch City. Canadian TV seems filled with strange, magical things that just happen. No explanation provided.
The most recent example is Being Erica, the first season of which aired in the US last spring on SoapNet. Erica is a woman in need of a serious life overhaul. Job, love life, family—nothing has turned out how she had hoped.
Enter Dr. Tom. He’s a therapist. And he’s awesome—attractive, articulate, well read. Also, he can manipulate the space-time continuum.
You see, Dr. Tom’s therapy is a bit unusual. He sends Erica back in time to re-live her past mistakes. She gets a second chance to right her wrongs. And along the way, she learns about herself and what she needs to do to make her present better than her past. It’s impossible not to root for Erica. After all, how many of us wish we could fix our past—or at least actually learn from our mistakes.
For me, one of the real charms of the show is the unexplained powers of Dr. Tom. He just magically appears whenever Erica needs him, sending her back in time for a little life lesson. And all of this is never explained. It just is. And I don’t miss the explanation at all. I’m too busy following Erica’s unique path to happiness.
The new season starts in Canada on September 22. If SoapNet doesn’t pick it up, I’m seriously going to consider moving.
(Written for a contest on TV-eh.com.)
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| Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
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11:12 am - In summation...
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Now that the summer is over, so is my Improving My Life Plan. I need to focus back on school. But I figured one final post summing up my progress is in order.
Plays: I went to a few plays, but not nearly as many as I had hoped. The cost really makes me hesitant, I suppose.
Reading: I subscribed to Asimov's Sci-Fi and have been enjoying it. Nonetheless, it still hasn't directed me to any new authors. I did read quite a bit of Cory Doctorow. I really enjoyed Content and Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom. (Adam, have you read the latter? You and Roni need to. I think you'd both enjoy it.) Only got about 100 pages into Proust.
Girl Scouts: I still don't have a troop, but that may change next Wednesday. I've already attended a regional meeting, but no training. I'm not sure how I feel about all this picking up. It's kinda overwhelming. I had initially thought I wouldn't be teaching a new class. But I am, so my time isn't as free as I thought it'd be.
Canadian TV: Watched lots of it--twice!
Jobs outside academia: I applied to three of them. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I'm not actually qualified for a whole lot. Of the three, I only really wanted one of them. (This job is still a possibility, as they only stopped taking applications last week). At this point, I have to be mindful of my job applications. I can't apply for anything that would expect me to leave my current job during the semester. But I continue to search the wanted ads for suitable work.
So all in all, I'd rate the success of my Improving My Life Plan as moderate. But who knows, maybe school won't be such a drag this year? Hope, as they say, springs eternal.
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| Sunday, August 9th, 2009
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4:33 pm - Dread mixed with nausea
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One week from tomorrow, school starts. I was a student for 25 years (really) and I'm on my second year of teaching, and I can honestly say that I don't recall ever feeling so much dread about the upcoming semester. I just don't like being a visiting lecturer.
Because I'm traveling to Akron for a family thing next weekend, this was my last weekend of freedom. So I made a list of two things to do. First, I got a Spud au Broc at Jason's Deli. It's a baked potato with tons and tons of cheese and broccoli. It's really, really tasty. But after I eat one, all the starch puts me to sleep. So I avoid them during the school year. I can't lose three hours of the weekend to food-induced sleep. Saturday went as expected, ate potato, slept for several hours. Excellent.
Second on the agenda was a trip to Six Flags. I haven't been to an amusement park since the late 90s--shortly after I started having vertigo attacks. I used to love, love, love roller coasters, but I quickly learned that vertigo and coasters didn't mix. That's why I haven't been to an amusement park in so long.
But I got the idea into my head that maybe things have changed. I mean, back when I gave up the coasters, I didn't even know why I was getting the vertigo attacks, and they were definitely out of control. But I've kept them managed now for years, so why not give the coasters a try again?
I rode exactly two coasters, and I'm still a little nauseous. Lesson learned. My days of roller coaster riding are officially behind me.
As is my last weekend of freedom before the new semester.
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| Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
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9:17 am - One step forward, two steps back
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It has become obvious to me that the Improving My Life Plan is fundamentally flawed. Really the whole point of the thing was that if I was going to have to have my crappy job, I'd fill the rest of my life with things that made me happy.
But that means I have to have a life outside the classroom. But one of the reasons this job is so crappy is that it takes over my life. I wouldn't mind that so much, if it were a satisfying job. But it's not.
What's bringing on this sudden dismissal of the Improving My Life Plan?
I wanted to go see Guster play a special show in Boston. But it's during the semester when I'm prepping and teaching a brand new class that I've never taught before. New classes pretty much guarantee that I need to work six to seven days a week.
I wanted to try to go to the show, I really did. But I have a conference the following weekend, and there's no way I can take off two weekends in a row.
So I'm back to being angry and depressed. Like I was before the summer started. I honestly wouldn't mind all the work, if the job was personally satisfying. But it's not. And yet, I'm supposed to give up all semblance of a normal life for it. So damn frustrating.
*sigh*
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| Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
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8:43 pm - This is what I'm trained to do
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So I got some interesting news while on the honeymoon. They've changed the class that I'll be teaching. Last year, I did the first section (to 1500) of world history. This fall, I'll be doing the second section (since 1500).
I'm finding myself feeling a bit ambivalent about the change. I was really looking forward to not putting much effort into teaching in the fall. Having already taught the class eight times, I'm feeling pretty good about it. But now I have to prep a new course, which is a lot more work than I was planning for.
But on the other hand, the second section is actually what I'm trained to do. My fields are early modern and modern history, basically history since 1500. So it'll be nice to finally get to teach what I know.
Plus, I'm already all tingly thinking about some of the things I want to teach. First, I'm integrating my recent interest in Canada into the course. I've already thought of two places where I could put Canada into my lectures. Second, I'm going to queer up my course, if you will. I'm going to cover homosexuality in my lectures about everyday life. Such lectures always include discussions of marriage practices and gender relations. But I've longed to put an emphasis on sexuality--including homosexuality--into those types of lectures. But I wasn't quite comfortable with the scholarship on the earlier period. But the early modern and modern--forgetaboutit. I can do it in my sleep.
So I guess I'm more happy than not about the change. At least I am right now. But once I start actually writing all these new lectures that I'll need, I suspect I'll change my tune.
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| Tuesday, July 21st, 2009
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3:35 pm - Thoughts on a honeymoon
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| Monday, June 22nd, 2009
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2:06 pm - I feel good
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Things have been going well in terms of the plan. Thanks to the comments I received to a previous post, I decided to give the Girl Scouts one more try. They were way more responsive this time. I'm just waiting for them to complete the background check and then I'll be attending a training session. And then, hopefully, there will be a troop waiting for me. Ha! How awesome is that!
I also started writing an article today. If I have any hope of getting out of the crappy job I'm in, I need some publications. Right now I only have a pedagogical publication to my name. (I'm co-author on a world history reader.) But I need something in the arena of original research. Hence the article.
On the first day of writing, I play such silly game with myself. I tell myself, I only need to complete one paragraph. Then, I complete two so that I can feel good about myself. I know that I'm going to do this, and yet it works every time. I feel good about myself for my 'extra' paragraph.
And to top everything off, I got to see Guster on Saturday. Yes, it was hot. And, yes, it was crowded. (So hot and crowded that Greg actually gave up before Guster even got to the stage--which was probably for the best. I would have spent the entire show worrying about how miserable he was. Instead, I just got to indulge my apparently boundless love of the Guster boys guilt-free.)
I took some picture from my cellphone, which, as you can see, is an awesome piece of technology.
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